Fear

Before leaving Japan I had several conversations with different people about safety. I felt so safe in Japan - everywhere, all the time. In more than two years, I never had a moment where I felt threatened by anyone. Fear and security are personal and subjective things I guess.

I sometimes had to hold back scoffs and giggles whenever a student, friend or colleague might mention how Hiroshima is not as safe as it used to be, or that Nagarakawa at night was very dangerous and dodgy. But I guess it's important to be aware of the limits of others, and where they feel safe and in danger too. I'm highly suspicious though of those feelings which are so obviously a result of a bullying media.

But coming here, I knew - instinctively and through the many reminders I got from others, that London would not be the same. That I should be much more careful, on my guard, suspicious and even afraid than I ever was or had to be in Japan.

So arriving, I had a heightened awareness of all the fairly terrible things that could happen here. To me. Alone.
So arriving in the heart of Peckham - certainly the most dangerous neighbourhood I've ever lived in was a tough start.
I remember the first night I came home late, alone. I was struggling with the bolt lock on the door. I couldn't turn the key and I couldn't get into the apartment. I struggled for at least 10 minutes, and then heard a knock on the glass door behind me. That door separated me from the street, and I didn't recognize the man on the other side. He didn't look threatening, and he seemed to be searching for keys which suggested that he lived in the building too in one of the other apartments. And the fact was that it was late, and I wasn't going to be able to get into my apartment without someone helping me. I couldn't turn the key alone, and this man's arrival was my chance.
So I let him in.
He was stinking drunk, and I figured that if I needed to, I could pretty easily topple him over.
And I asked for his help, and he managed to get the door open for me, then stumbled upstairs to his own apartment.
And that's the end of the story.
Except for that is started me thinking about fear in a concentrated way.

And now it's a few weeks past that, and I'm rarely afraid anymore. Nervous and cautious most of the time, but I feel that I'm fitting in here more and more. I'm outrageously annoyed sometimes with this neighbourhood and with the city, but rarely afraid.